It’s that time again! Time for us to take a look at all the second-rate Fortnite: Battle Royale news that hit over the past month, in a desperate bid to improve our SEO standing by mentioning Fortnite as much as possible.
Remember: We could be doing stupid Fortnite news like this just about every other day, but instead we jam it all together at the end of the month – and not even every month! – so you don’t have to see the endless flood of Fortnite news like on every other gaming site out there. No need to thank us – your clicks are what truly matter.
First Order leader, second-rate gamer
About 20 years ago, I saw a skit with Jennifer Aniston on Saturday Night Live that featured Pokémon cards. That was when I knew they’d entered the mainstream. SNL isn’t quite as transcendent as it used to be, but it’s still something when a vital part of “geek culture” makes the show. Granted, these days, that “something” is usually a watered-down semi-funny comedy skit, but that’s better than nothing.
Thus, we have last month’s performance by Adam Driver, best known as Kylo Ren in the recent Star Wars movies. He played a clueless dad trying to understand Fortnite so he and his 11-year-old son can use it as a “bonding activity. Hilarity(?) ensued.
To be fair, it’s got its share of laughs, especially as live actors try to play out the actions of Fortnite characters, but if I had to point out one major flaw, it’s that there’s not nearly enough swearing. If “William McTavish” actually played that badly, his teammates would be blasting him like he was a holographic projection of Luke Skywalker.
Two minutes for teabagging
Yahoo called it “one of the dumbest controversies to hit the NHL,” and we’d tend to agree. The Vancouver Canucks apparently banned Fortnite on team road trips, with center and lead curmudgeon Bo Horvat saying:
“There’s better ways to spend time on the road, whether it’s hanging out with the guys in the room, going to a movie with the guys, doing stuff outside your room. There’s a lot of cool cities we go to visit and to be cooped up in your room all night and not doing anything, playing Fortnite, is a waste of your time.”
Apparently, Horvat is concerned that the “guys” aren’t enjoying themselves the way he would enjoy himself, and that’s a big no-no. As of this writing, the Canucks are just one game over .500, so maybe instead of going to a strip club in Edmonton, they should spend a little more time together at … Greasy Grove? Shifty Shafts? OK, those sound like strip clubs, too.
The Price is left(-handed)
Perhaps Horvat could learn from Boston Red Sox pitcher David Price. His Fortnite habits are well-documented, and, even when his team was on the cusp of a World Series championship, he didn’t let up.
On Friday, Oct. 26, Price pitched in an 18-inning World Series game in Los Angeles that ran until 12:30 a.m. local time. He then went back to his hotel room and wanted to play a few matches of Fortnite with teammate Nate Eovaldi – who had thrown the final six innings of the game and asked for a reprieve until the next day.
The extra rest appeared to serve the duo well:
David Price said he prepared for his start today by playing Fortnite with Nathan Eovaldi last night.
"Yes, we did win," Price said.
— Tim Healey (@timbhealey) October 29, 2018
Price then started the clinching game Sunday night and pitched seven innings to lead the Red Sox to a championship. The Vancouver Canucks have never won the World Series (note to those who can’t seem to ever figure it out: This is sarcasm), so I don’t know, maybe try something different?
That’s Dr. X_L33TPWNEROFNOOBS_X
What kind of Twitch stream would you rather watch: Fortnite gameplay or scientists talking about global warming? How about both at once?
Sure, for a lot of people who are sick of Fortnite, they’d rather watch anything else, but the masses still flock to the game. That’s why MIT climate scientist Henri Drake has been streaming himself – and sometimes other scientists – playing Fortnite while discussing climate change on his Twitch channel. Drake saw that another scientist’s son’s gameplay videos were getting more views than her lectures, so he came up with the galaxy-brain idea of merging the two.
In terms of viewers, Drake isn’t exactly … well, Drake, when he plays Fortnite with Ninja. But he thinks that reaching just one child who views his stream as a success, saying:
“So if we get some 10-year-old kids going up to their parents and saying, ‘Hey I want to learn about climate change,’ even if just a few kids do that, then for me that’s a big win.”
Of course, there’s a Fortnite version of Monopoly. Hasbro has adapted less-popular IPs for its venerable board game, like comparatively little-known sci-fi movies and short-lived TV shows (This is also sarcasm).
So how does Fortnite Monopoly work? Not quite like normal Monopoly. Sure, there are “properties” on the board, patterned after Fortnite locations. But you pay your “money” (HP) to the bank when you land on one that another player owns, and other spaces and cards also add or subtract HP. The Storm takes over some spaces, causing massive HP loss, and an additional “action” die lets you shoot at other players or build walls to block their shots or progress.
The merging of the two games makes sense. On the one hand, you have one of the most ruthless games ever made, a cesspool of toxicity where the goal is to be the last man standing after mercilessly obliterating your opponents; on the other hand, you have Fortnite. It’s a match made in … well, maybe not heaven. Greasy Grove, perhaps?